Birthdays

How do you feel about your birthday?  Are you excited about it? Do you enjoy your day or do you treat it like a chore and "just another day"?

Growing up birthdays were pretty special in our house.  After all it was the day you came into our house and our lives. Parties were planned gorgeous handmade cakes were masterfully created by my Mom and the day and sometimes the whole week was a celebration for each of us in my family.  My birthday is right in the middle of summer. Or at least the middle of the time off from school. It was difficult to get classmates to attend a party when you're mid summer but that never stopped my Mom from making it special.

Maybe it's me but I've never grown out of that as an adult. I still want to be celebrated and made to feel special on my birthday. But no one does. Not even my Mom anymore. It makes me sad. It's unfair that because most people don't like birthdays I have to accept that and just ignore my day. That's the "adult" thing to do. I never work on my birthday I refuse. It's my day and I want to make it special. But most of the time my actual birthday is spent moping the day away while a few texts and a call here or there and a bunch of Facebook wishes do help. It's nice but no one asks to take me out even just for ice cream. I spend the day alone. I don't need a party but it would be nice if someone just made a plan to make that day special. It's not that I don't try and make the day special for others but it's often shunned or sloughed off because they don't like birthdays. Maybe I don't make enough effort to celebrate them because I assume their husband or wife or children will make their day. When you're single there isn't anyone.

When did birthdays become a bad thing? Shouldn't there be one day to celebrate and be all about you? I don't know I guess maybe I'm wrong. But it would be nice if more people got excited for their birthdays. I don't need a parade. But please don't disregard me because you don't like your birthday.

Some Questions, Some Answers

1. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? I will defend my friend, I cannot stand to hear people speak ill of someone.
   
2. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Love fully. Always.
   
3. Would you break the law to save a loved one? This is a tough one, but my answer is probably yes, I would do anything for those I love.
   
4. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I can't say as I have, I generally see a lot of insanity but little creativity lol
   
5. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I'm not sure there is any particular thing I do different than anyone else... but then again everything I do may be different than everyone else. Hmmm. Mind bending...
   

Wordless Wednesday

10 Questions/10 Answers

In an effort to make my blog more interesting to write and ultimately more interesting to read I will answer ten questions today since I have the time and the motivation! The questions will be from this list:
50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind originally I was directed to these questions by posts from my friend's blog: Noise With Dirt (check her out, she's totes funny, sweet, interesting and inspiring.)

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Some days I feel like I am 18 and other days I feel 102, but if I had to settle on an age I would say about 22. I feel way younger than my actual age most of the time, perhaps because I'm one of the youngest at my work and I often feel I've yet to mature in many ways. I still feel like I'm waiting to grow up.
   
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? I struggle with this, no one likes to be a failure myself included and often times I will not do something rather than fail at it, especially if it is sports related. I want to go back to school but am scared I will fail so I haven't taken that first step yet. It's definitely worse not to try.
   
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? It's a trade off, we all have to do things we don't like, pay bills, go to work, leave our loved ones, children etc... unless one is very fortunate to be born incredibly well off we all have to do what we have to, to do what we want later. Some of us never get a later, and that's unfortunate. Blessed are those who do what they love every day. The rest of us have to find a balance. Life is fleeting, never seems that way when we are young but the older we become the faster it flies by.
   
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope I will have done more than I've said, but as verbose as I am, I'm sure I will have said way more. I am trying to do more for others and more for myself as it's important to not neglect yourself and truly I'm guilty of forgetting myself.
   
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? I would want everyone to be free and have the freedoms that I take for granted daily. I don't think any of us realize how blessed we are in the USA.
   
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Nursing. If I could become a nurse I know I would finally have a job that would be impossibly hard at times and exhausting but rewarding beyond measure. Ideally I would be a hospice or elder nurse. I only wish I would have listened to others when I first went to college and pursued it then, perhaps I would have finished and truly be fulfilling my calling.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I am completely settling. Without a doubt, my job pays the bills (barely) it is neither exciting or fulfilling. I am envious and almost in awe of those who are inspired and driven by what they do for a living. I am not my job and my job is not my life. I wish that were different, but perhaps one day it will be.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? Well crap at almost 38 I would have probably accepted that proposal at 23. But seriously I don't know, everything I've done or haven't done has led to this point and honestly I'm happy, truly. Sure things are still up in the air, but for once I'm not treading water, I feel like I can touch the bottom and I'm not drowning.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? 360 degrees... I don't believe in predestination or destiny. I truly believe we were created and given free will. If someone or some Being is controlling or driving this ship than I can just sit back and no do anything right? I'll still end up in the same place with the same results. Wouldn't that be insane to think, no matter what you do, you'll end up in the same place? How depressing. I haven't always made the wisest choices or taken the best path, but I own them, they're mine. Good, bad or indifferent this is where I am and who I am. I'm always a work in progress.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Ah yet another struggle. I am a perfectionist at times, but I do always try to do the right thing. I try to do everything to the best of my ability and to never do something at the expense of others.

Thoughts on Valentine's Day

So I know I promised like a dozen posts, I had something yesterday I wanted to blog and dang if I can remember it... I don't want to be that girl that finds herself a guy and suddenly all her blog posts and Tweets and Facebook updates are lovey dovey... cause well that's not terrible, but let's be honest a bit gag worthy. lol But I had the first decent Valentine's Day in a really long time, so long I can't even remember that last time I had a decent one. I know some don't like the day saying it's all BS and only for the pockets of the flower/card/candy companies etc... and while that may have some validity I truly have never been down on the day even when I've been single, which let's be honest has been more often than not. I think it's sweet to give a little something extra on that day to your sweetie or even your friends/family.

My Valentine and I didn't discuss the impending day. Our relationship is relatively new and while it's going really well, we aren't at the "love" stage just yet and it's hard to navigate that day without saying too much. I knew I was going to give him a card and something else, but I honestly didn't expect or need anything from him. Boy was I going to be surprised. He has his children every Tuesday so I knew we wouldn't be spending it together which in truth is all I really need that day or any day. I bought him 2 cards, one was an inside joke from my cat and I wrote something from the heart on the inside of the other one. I also bought him some peanut butter hearts, and Nerds candy and a NERD shirt from The Nerd Machine because he must assimilate. He loved all of it. We had a date night Monday night 2/13/12 and he greeted me at the door with a kiss and as he closed the door he turned and hidden behind his back he handed me a dozen long stem red roses. I was stunned speechless which if you've met me is quite the feat. I honestly had no words. They were the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Brings tears to my eyes right now just thinking about it. They are still beautiful a week later. That moment will bring a smile to my face a hundred years from now. I don't even know if he knows how much that meant. I don't even know if I could express it to him. Sigh. Yeah I know... lol

Wow

30 days...

Fast forward through 10 amazing dates... which I won't bore you with like the first date redux... haha. Yes I am seeing the most amazing guy from that first date. The computer matched us superbly well. From the goofiest nerdiest things to simple things,like I love tomatoes, he hates them, bonus for me I get all the 'maters!!! lol I am so enjoying getting to know him. I truly couldn't be happier or more content. For the first time ever in my life I am content with him and when I am not with him. I've never experienced that peace before. Certainly my preference is to be in the same room with him, even with just my feet tucked under him while I read and he works on his laptop, but even when I can't be I'm not spazzy and in a panic feeling like I have to spend every free available moment with him. It's amazing what happens when a man is open and honest and treats me well. I'm like a completely different person. Not with my friends that know me I'm always myself, but with men in the past, there was always a long period of distrust. I'm not a particularly trusting person especially with my heart. But I feel so blessed and truly honored to have met this person. I know we are both still sort of trying to adjust to having someone in our lives that wants to be there and is consistent and honest and open. I don't know that it's something either of us have had either ever or in a really long while. I'm not over thinking things like I usually do, I'm just enjoying every moment. I honestly can't express how that makes me feel. I can't believe tomorrow is only a month since our first date. It seems so much longer, in the best way. Sigh... 3 months ago I didn't think I would ever stop hurting. I thought I was truly broken and destined to remain so forever. Now I have someone who looks forward to seeing me and texts me just to say he misses me face. I don't know what the future holds, but I truly hope that he's by my side holding my hand. <3

Seriously

I have like a dozen posts to publish... just have to, you know get them out of my head and onto here...