Birthdays

How do you feel about your birthday?  Are you excited about it? Do you enjoy your day or do you treat it like a chore and "just another day"?

Growing up birthdays were pretty special in our house.  After all it was the day you came into our house and our lives. Parties were planned gorgeous handmade cakes were masterfully created by my Mom and the day and sometimes the whole week was a celebration for each of us in my family.  My birthday is right in the middle of summer. Or at least the middle of the time off from school. It was difficult to get classmates to attend a party when you're mid summer but that never stopped my Mom from making it special.

Maybe it's me but I've never grown out of that as an adult. I still want to be celebrated and made to feel special on my birthday. But no one does. Not even my Mom anymore. It makes me sad. It's unfair that because most people don't like birthdays I have to accept that and just ignore my day. That's the "adult" thing to do. I never work on my birthday I refuse. It's my day and I want to make it special. But most of the time my actual birthday is spent moping the day away while a few texts and a call here or there and a bunch of Facebook wishes do help. It's nice but no one asks to take me out even just for ice cream. I spend the day alone. I don't need a party but it would be nice if someone just made a plan to make that day special. It's not that I don't try and make the day special for others but it's often shunned or sloughed off because they don't like birthdays. Maybe I don't make enough effort to celebrate them because I assume their husband or wife or children will make their day. When you're single there isn't anyone.

When did birthdays become a bad thing? Shouldn't there be one day to celebrate and be all about you? I don't know I guess maybe I'm wrong. But it would be nice if more people got excited for their birthdays. I don't need a parade. But please don't disregard me because you don't like your birthday.

10 Questions/10 Answers

In an effort to make my blog more interesting to write and ultimately more interesting to read I will answer ten questions today since I have the time and the motivation! The questions will be from this list:
50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind originally I was directed to these questions by posts from my friend's blog: Noise With Dirt (check her out, she's totes funny, sweet, interesting and inspiring.)

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Some days I feel like I am 18 and other days I feel 102, but if I had to settle on an age I would say about 22. I feel way younger than my actual age most of the time, perhaps because I'm one of the youngest at my work and I often feel I've yet to mature in many ways. I still feel like I'm waiting to grow up.
   
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? I struggle with this, no one likes to be a failure myself included and often times I will not do something rather than fail at it, especially if it is sports related. I want to go back to school but am scared I will fail so I haven't taken that first step yet. It's definitely worse not to try.
   
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? It's a trade off, we all have to do things we don't like, pay bills, go to work, leave our loved ones, children etc... unless one is very fortunate to be born incredibly well off we all have to do what we have to, to do what we want later. Some of us never get a later, and that's unfortunate. Blessed are those who do what they love every day. The rest of us have to find a balance. Life is fleeting, never seems that way when we are young but the older we become the faster it flies by.
   
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? I hope I will have done more than I've said, but as verbose as I am, I'm sure I will have said way more. I am trying to do more for others and more for myself as it's important to not neglect yourself and truly I'm guilty of forgetting myself.
   
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? I would want everyone to be free and have the freedoms that I take for granted daily. I don't think any of us realize how blessed we are in the USA.
   
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Nursing. If I could become a nurse I know I would finally have a job that would be impossibly hard at times and exhausting but rewarding beyond measure. Ideally I would be a hospice or elder nurse. I only wish I would have listened to others when I first went to college and pursued it then, perhaps I would have finished and truly be fulfilling my calling.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? I am completely settling. Without a doubt, my job pays the bills (barely) it is neither exciting or fulfilling. I am envious and almost in awe of those who are inspired and driven by what they do for a living. I am not my job and my job is not my life. I wish that were different, but perhaps one day it will be.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? Well crap at almost 38 I would have probably accepted that proposal at 23. But seriously I don't know, everything I've done or haven't done has led to this point and honestly I'm happy, truly. Sure things are still up in the air, but for once I'm not treading water, I feel like I can touch the bottom and I'm not drowning.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? 360 degrees... I don't believe in predestination or destiny. I truly believe we were created and given free will. If someone or some Being is controlling or driving this ship than I can just sit back and no do anything right? I'll still end up in the same place with the same results. Wouldn't that be insane to think, no matter what you do, you'll end up in the same place? How depressing. I haven't always made the wisest choices or taken the best path, but I own them, they're mine. Good, bad or indifferent this is where I am and who I am. I'm always a work in progress.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Ah yet another struggle. I am a perfectionist at times, but I do always try to do the right thing. I try to do everything to the best of my ability and to never do something at the expense of others.

Let go

Yes Jessica, get out of your own damn head and just be in the moment. Anyone else struggle with this?

Losing my religion...

Yes, I just lost my religion hanging 3 curtain rods. My house is old, 122 years old, it is quirky and leans to one side and has plaster walls, they are infinitely difficult to hang things from them... I cursed and screamed and finally got them mostly all hung. Yes I get angry at things I can't control with inanimate objects. Sue me... I'm Irish, can't help the temper and I am also very much my father's daughter. Anyway, 3 of the 4 rods are up. I have quite a few wall repairs to do and some paint touch up, but then that's the life of home ownership. There is never NOT something that needs to be cleaned, repaired or done in this house. Sometimes, no most of the time, it's overwhelming to me. I'm pretty handy and there isn't much I won't attempt, but it's usually accompanied by colorful language. Fortunately just the cats have to suffer most of the time. I would say I feel a sense of accomplishment, but right now I'm just tired, and I still have to clean up the plaster dust and vacuum the upstairs in general. Mom is coming over tomorrow and she will be most displeased at the condition of my upstairs at the moment. If I didn't need her opinion on said curtain rods, it wouldn't matter. Sigh...

Procrastination... more on this later

Procrastinate:
transitive verb

: to put off intentionally and habitually

intransitive verb

: to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done

— pro·cras·ti·na·tion noun

— pro·cras·ti·na·tor noun

Yep, I definitely am the poster child for this word. I don't know why I put things off, I just do. Things that need to be done, should be done. I'm always thinking, meh I can do that tomorrow, or the next day or next week at the latest. I don't do it with EVERYTHING but with too many things. Perhaps I should have put this on the list of things to change in 2012. Meh maybe next year.

So today I am procrastinating making a phone call. Not that I don't want to, not that I'm not interested. I just don't really like talking on the phone. But it needs to be done. It'll be fine once I make the call. Sigh... anyone have a cure for a procrastinator?

I am Number 3

Yay for Saturdays!!!! too bad I didn't really sleep in like I wanted. I cleaned a good bit today, and even sorted out my toolbox which was a travesty. Did all my laundry and fixed my storm door and a few other "honey do" projects around my house. Lots more that need to be done, but meh... I'll get to them. I am woman hear me roar! It's not easy being a homeowner by yourself. No one to fix things, lift heavy items or share the burden or bills. There are days I completely regret buying a home. When something breaks or doesn't work, it's on me and my thin checkbook to fix it, or let it sit. Other days I'm so grateful that I have my own quiet space. Just me and the kitties and it's a reflection of me, mostly on the inside, can't afford to do much to the outside other than the gardens, and it's all mine. Well the banks mostly but they let me stay here, for a fee. I kind of checked out of caring about the house when I got back from California. I was kinda mad that I couldn't just break a lease, or leave when a lease was up and move. The housing market is not great, so selling isn't a great option right now. I'd lose my shirt, pants and shoes. So I just have to recommit myself to the house and making and keeping it the "little jewel box" that my Mom calls it. Ah my Mom, she's good people, I need to write a post about her. Anyway, back to Sons of Anarchy, I am completely addicted to this show now.

63 Matches?

I know... I can't believe it either... bonus though one gave me his phone number. Now I just have to use it. I know I know. I will... tomorrow.

FIFTY SIX!!!!

Yes I am up to 56 matches total... of course I've lost a few too but that's ok. What's the boy version of a harem? lol

Costochon...what now?

COSTOCHONDRITIS

Yep, all my coughing from bronchitis has flared this up again. Ugh, last night and now today I feel like someone is stabbing me in the sternum. Good times, good times. Every time I cough now, agony. I laugh when it says I should refrain from physical activity so as not to flare it up... yeah I'll use that excuse for not working out. NOT. I must keep moving till I can't...

Self Evaluation

It's always good to take a step back and take a look at yourself. Sometimes it's not always easy to be objective. Friends and family can't always be objective either so you often need a stranger to sort of put you in perspective. See yourself through their eyes.

This whole dating thing is certainly providing that in spades. It's given me an enormous amount of feedback just seeing me, on paper (so-to-speak) and what I have to offer or lack thereof. I realize that I don't have any hobbies, except for the enormous amount of TV I watch and perusing the interwebs and tweeting and google+ing and the facebooking I used to do. And now the blogging. Yeah those don't look great when you're competing with people who are outdoorsey, fit and active. lol

Ah well, I am who I am. I'm a homebody. I enjoy my myriad of television shows, (DVR was the worst invention ever for a TV addict like me) and I love the friends I've made on Twitter and spending time reading my friends blogs and now blogging of my own. Hopefully there is someone out there who is interested in doing nothing with me and being perfectly content with it and me.

*and yes I enjoy making up verbs to describe my "active life at home"

New Year, New Me?

So I've decided to make some changes this year. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right? I can't expect different results if I keep doing the same things. So... I'm not calling them resolutions, but they are new commitments to myself...

1. Be healthier - eat better, and by that I mean a more conscious effort into what I am eating and how much . I am now using this app on my phone to track my calories My Fitness Pal
2. Be more physically active - I am entirely too sedentary (as I sit here in my comfy bed writing on my laptop) I need to add some physical activity to my daily life even if it is just some kettlebell swings (more on that in a later post)
3. Be a better housekeeper - good Lord have I gotten lazy about my house. Sure it's tidy but I could be much better about the dust bunnies I see rolling across the floors like tumbleweeds
4. Be a better date - yeah just another thing I have been 7 years lazy about, sure I've dated but I have not had a relationship in forever. (more on this in a later post)
5. Be more me - no easy task... you'd think at almost 38 I'd have that down by now

So these are my commitments, all in the present tense. Hopefully I will stay on track. So far... so good. But it's only day 1. LOL